Oma

It’s weird how our perception of people changes as we get older. My parents used to be all knowing, strong, and fearless. Now, as my dad and I are both getting older, I can see that he is just as weak as any of us. He doesn’t know everything, I know quite a bit more about some stuff than he does. I never really realized this until I moved out last year. I have been aware of my mothers human-ness for quite a while, probably since they got divorced. Since then I became aware that she wasn’t perfect, that she cried too, that she was just as vulnerable as I was… It’s just a really weird thing to realize. That your parents are just as human as you are. It’s weird when you can see the flaws in someone…

I’ve noticed that this happens with other people, too. Since I have gotten older, and since I have, I don’t know, gotten a false sense of superiority, I have started to judge people a lot more. When I was little (even at the age of 16, to a certain extent), it didn’t matter who the person was, what they dressed like, what they were interested in. We could just play together. We could hang out, there would be conflicts, but nothing was serious, and it would be forgotten within a couple hours. Now, it’s just so very difficult…

This all came up because I was just thinking about going to spend the night at my grandparents house in a couple weeks, and it reminded me of when I was little. When my grandmothers house was a wonderful and mysterious place.

It always smelled like some sort of flower or spice, the rooms were strangely clean, and the beds the most comfortable thing ever, and the toys that I got to play with there were by far better than anything I had at home. She used to read me German fairytales before I went to bed, and I would fall asleep thinking about princesses, knights, and horses. I would wake up really early, and run and get in bed with her and grandpa (when he was home), and we would snuggle in her really big, soft bed. When she got dressed, I would get to go into her HUGE walk-in-closet that seemed to be endless, and I would hide in all of her dresses. Then we’d go downstairs, and she would make me her homemade apple pancakes with powdered sugar on top. Those were the best pancakes in the whole wide world, and I’ve never had anything like them since I was about 12.

I used to think that she was the best cook, ever. Every meal she made was superb, and I would stuff myself to the gills. I was convinced that somehow she was magic, and even though she would make the same food as my parents, it was always better. In some way.

Her back yard was great, too. It seemed so big, since I was used to my 20 square-foot yard back home. There was a creek where we could catch crawdads, a tree swing, and there were salmon berry bushes that we cut a tunnel through, and made a fort. We always did art, too, which was always loads of fun. We’d spend the afternoons in her yard or studio, and she would paint while I drew rainbow horses with crayons. She would also teach me German, the names for things, like crawdads, and other animals, and I would try my best to impress her by speaking in it. I don’t remember any German, now, and I don’t remember the nick-name she gave me…

Now I think of her as a funny, imperfect, older woman. She is amusing, but she has become so much more human. Her food really isn’t very good, it’s mostly cream, and meat, and her house kind of smells like dog. It’s cleaner than my house, yes, but it’s not magic, there is just no one living there. She isn’t all knowing, and infinitely caring. She gets irritated, she has her own interests, she doesn’t know everything, and can be kind of passive aggressive. Mind you, though, she is not ignorant, (although grandpa might be, sometimes), she is one spunky old lady. She could kick anyones ass, in German, nonetheless.

Seattle & Manson

So I had a pretty awesome weekend. I went to Seattle with Glenn, and we had a lot of fun. On Sunday we wandered around, and got very lost, and eventually ended up at the Frye Museum, where we met up with his friend. His friend is really cool, and super-gothy, (but actually cool, not a hottopic goth). We walked around some more, and went to Uwajimaya, where we got Teriyaki, and I bought a Death Note manga in Japanese (I can totally read it). That night we went to a Caberet, and then hung out until 1 or 2 in the morning.

We spent the night at a Hostel, The Green Tortoise Hostel, which has the best showers ever. Better than I’ve seen in any hotel.  They were really big, and the shower head came straight down from the ceiling. The beds were also pretty nice, and pretty big, but the room got unbearably hot at night. It was also only $20 a night, if one shared a bed.

Sunday, Glenn was dying from the flu, so we tried to walk around a bit, but ended up collapsing in a movie theater for a couple hours to watch Diary of the Dead. It was pretty bad, but a lot better than I expected, and I was just so giddy that I enjoyed it.

After that we went down to the sculpture park, met up with one of my friends from Olympia, and, after buying some tea, went to her apartment.

That evening was pretty damn awesome. The original reason for me to go to Seattle, was so that I could go to a Marilyn Manson concert. I am kind of ashamed of my love for him, I must admit, but it was hella fun. I was totally one of the only people there that knew all of his songs, too. Even my friend didn’t know a lot of them.

He did is usual crazy shit, but for some reason I was expecting more, I am not sure what, though. He threw his jacket into the audience many times, probably changing it every song. He made out with his bassist, sang from under a ladies butt, and threw lots of shit around (including drums, and the mic stand at his guitarist). The end of the show was him up on his podium with his symbol on it (which vaguely resembles the swastika, or at least has some of the same connotations), singing, and hanging over the sides, while the audience chanted his lyrics back at him. I was terrifying, yet I was completely enraptured by it as well.

The one really shitty thing that happened was the fact that no one was able to bring chains or studded belts into the show. Thus, my friend lost her $200 belt buckle, that she was quite fond of. We spent quite a while digging through the garbage afterwards looking for it. But all we found were a lot of chains, broken belts, and some amazingly hottopic arm warmers (which I promptly appropriated).

Then I got about 4 hours of sleep and took the train home.

Script: Fad (working title)

This is the script that I wrote last night, for a weekend scriptwriting workshop. It was actually really, really awesome. I am also fairly pleased with the results, and would thoroughly appreciate some critique. I want to turn it into a movie at some point, but I want it to not suck first. I really like my story arc, and a couple of the scenes are very vivid in my head. What I really need is some help with the dialog. Because, it is shit.

Any pointers that you writers might have for a n00b would be really appreciated. Also, thoughts from everyone else would also be really nice. Thanks. =)

FAD (Working Title)

EXT. WWU CAMPUS – OLD MAIN LAWN – DAY

NATHANIEL COEN (Early 20’s), skinny, blond, and JESSICA HART (Early 20’s), short haired brunette, walk through the grass, holding hands. Jessica eats an energy bar.

NATHANIEL

You know what I like most about summer?

JESSICA

Ummm… Sun?

NATHANIEL

Well, sure, but I was gonna say, the fact that I don’t have to spend all my free time working on homework. It’s pretty damn nice to have time to hang out.

Jessica stops eating and looks at Nathaniel suspiciously.

JESSICA

Are you OKAY?

NATHANIEL

Sorry, I am being really cheesy, aren’t I?

(pause)

Looks around.

NATHANIEL

Have you noticed how quiet it’s been lately? I haven’t seen anyone around at all…

Jessica continues to eat.

JESSICA

Yeah, it’s probably just because it’s summer, everyone is off doing cool shit instead of still being stuck at school like us.

NATHANIEL

Yeah, you’re probably right. Hey, you wanna go get some ice cream?

Jessica hesitates.

NATHANIEL

(hurridly)

I’ll pay.

JESSICA

OKAY, these things are cheap, but they sure don’t taste good.

Jessica smiles, and throws the remaining energy bar in a trash can.

INT. ICE CREAM PARLOR – DAY

STEVE (20’s), THOMAS (20’s), and BRIANNA (20’s) are at a tall table by the window, eating ice cream.

Nathaniel and Jessica enter. Nathaniel walks up to counter. Jessica stops at the table.

STEVE

Hey, Jess. How’s it goin’?

JESSICA

Pretty good. Are you coming to the movie tonight?

Jessica gets a chair and joins them.

STEVE

Nah, I gotta work. Sorry.

Jessica furrows her brow.

JESSICA

How about you guys?

BRIANNA

Ummm… I dunno. I don’t really like horror movies…

THOMAS

Well I’m going. Even if these guys flake out.

Leans over to Jessica, looks at Brianna and Steve.

THOMAS

(whispers loudly)

They probably just want to bone.

Jessica smiles.

Nathaniel walks up with ice cream. Hands one to Jessica.

JESSICA

Thanks.

NATHANIEL

Hey guys.

Nathaniel sits down.

BRIANNA

Hey Nate.

JESSICA

So they’re all flaking out on us. We’ll be all alone tonight.

THOMAS

Hey, I’m going.

STEVE

Don’t try to guilt trip me, I’ve got other shit going on. The store got this huge shipment of those new “E-BARS” that everyone is raving about. It’s gotta be the most popular thing since the invented soda cans…

Takes bite of ice cream.

STEVE

Anyway, they called all us stockers in tonight to work extra shifts. We have to empty the entire candy section, and replace it with those things.

JESSICA

Why? That seems really weird.

STEVE

Don’t ask me, I don’t eat that crap.

BRIANNA

They’re actually pretty good, they really grow on you. You should try to score me some tonight.

THOMAS

If you’re gonna steal, you should steal something expensive.

Thomas gets up from chair, throws bowl away, grabs his bag, and takes a bar out of it.

THOMAS

These are so cheap, it almost seems pointless.

Thomas opens bar and takes a bite.

THOMAS

See you guys tonight.

Thomas exits.

BRIANNA

I gotta go too.

Brianna stands up.

BRIANNA

Steve, you coming?

STEVE

Yep, see you guys later. Have fun at the movie

Steve and Brianna throw away garbage, exit.

EXT. BUS STATION – DAY

Nathaniel waits, wears headphones. A homeless man rummages through a garbage can, pulls out half eaten E-Bar. People stand very still, no loud noises.

Bus pulls into station. Nathaniel gets on, pulls down his headphones.

NATHANIEL

This bus goes to the grocery store, right?

BUS DRIVER stares straight ahead.

NATHANIEL

Excuse me?

Bus driver realizes someone is talking to him, slowly turns head.

BUS DRIVER

Seventy-Five cents.

Bus driver turns head back to front.

Nathaniel gives the driver a perplexed look, puts money in the slot, and takes a seat in the back.

Other people file in to bus drone-like, and sit in every other seat.

INT. GROCERY STORE – DAY

The store has quite a few people in it, but it is very quiet. Everyone has shopping carts filled with boxes of E-Bars, and they are moving very slowly through the aisles, they stare at the food on the shelves.

Posters advertising “The NEW E-BAR!” are placed densely throughout the store.

Nathaniel stands in an aisle completely full of the bars. A banner hangs from the ceiling, which says: “Try the NEW E-BAR! 5 for $1! Limited time only.”

Nathaniel holds a basket with a carton of milk and some flowers in it, he looks up and down the rows of E-Bars, and at the people who are methodically placing box after box into their carts.

NATHANIEL

(whispers to himself)

Holy fuck…

Nathaniel walks to the front of store, sees the long, silent lines of people waiting to check out.

A look of shock and bewilderment passes over his face, he puts his basket down, and leaves.

INT. OFFICE – DAY

Thomas and Brianna sit at computer stations at a long desk along the wall. The desk is covered in wrappers. They stare blankly at the computer screens.

Nathaniel enters.

NATHANIEL

Morning.

Thomas and Brianna don’t respond.

NATHANIEL

Hey, guys? You OKAY?

Steve enters the room, eating an E-Bar.

STEVE

Hey, don’t worry about them. We stayed up late last night. They’re probably just too tired.

Steve takes a bite of the bar.

Nathaniel stares at him.

STEVE

What’s up, you OKAY?

Nathaniel hurries over to Brianna, shakes her. She is unresponsive.

NATHANIEL

Brianna, are you OKAY? Hey, come on. Answer me.

STEVE

Dude, I told you to chill.

Nathaniel shakes Thomas. Thomas’s head lolls to the side. Nathaniel jumps back with a look of terror. Turns to Steve.

NATHANIEL

What the fuck is going on?

STEVE

What are you talking about? Why are you so antsy?

NATHANIEL

Are you that blind? Have you seen anybody?

STEVE

What’s wrong with them? So, they’re relaxed. It’s probably these bars, they’re actually rather good.

Nathaniel points at Brianna and Thomas.

NATHANIEL

So what about those two? They’re just “relaxed?”

STEVE

Hey, man, stop freaking out. They’re just tired, I told you that. Here…

Steve holds out an E-Bar to him.

STEVE

…Have one of these, it’ll make you feel better.

Nathaniel KNOCKS it out of his hand, near hysterics.

NATHANIEL

Get the fuck away from me.

Nathaniel backs towards the door, turns and leaves quickly.

INT. NATHANIEL AND JESSICA’S HOUSE – LIVING ROOM – DAY

Jessica sits on the couch with a pile of E-Bars next to her. She holds one limply in her hand. She stares at the television, playing some sort of rerun.

The front door SLAMS shut, and Nathaniel enters the room still wearing his coat, bag and shoes. He rushes over to Jessica.

NATHANIEL

Jess, hey, honey, how are you?

Jessica does not respond.

Nathaniel kneels next to her, grabs her hand.

NATHANIEL

Jess, answer me. Please.

Jessica slowly looks at him, takes a bite of E-Bar.

NATHANIEL

Fuck. Stop it! Those things are making everyone crazy.

Nathaniel tears it out of Jessica’s hand, throws it to the ground.

Jessica looks after it, points.

JESSICA

(slowly)

Hey… I was eat… that…

NATHANIEL

Jess, we gotta get out of here. Come on.

Nathaniel tries to pull Jessica to her feet. She struggles free, and then limply falls back onto the couch.

Jessica reaches for another E-Bar next to her.

NATHANIEL

No. Stop it, we need to go, come on.

Nathaniel tries to lift her again. Jessica SCREAMS. Nathaniel jumps back in shock.

NATHANIEL

Jess, you’re scaring me…

Jessica stares at Nathaniel, slowly rises, offering an E-Bar. Nathaniel knocks it out of her hand and starts to back away.

Jessica gets angry. Advances on Nathaniel.

NATHANIEL

Please, no, no, no.

Nathaniel pulls his hair.

NATHANIEL

No, this is not happening. No… God. Please…

Jessica sees another E-Bar on the coffee table, she reaches for it.

Nathaniel grabs it. Jessica SCREAMS again. Nathaniel stuffs bars into his bag, and backs away from her. Jessica grabs at him, but is too slow.

Nathaniel grabs more, quickly turns and runs out the front door.

Jessica remains standing in the middle of the room, bewildered, and mildly agitated. She moves over to a bar that had fallen on the floor, and picks it up.

EXT. DOWNTOWN – DAY

The sky is grey, drone-like people walk down the sidewalk. Nathaniel runs down the middle of the street, tears running down his face.

He stops, looks all around, grabs his hair, his face.

NATHANIEL

Why… Fuck… What am I supposed to do?

Turns towards an alley, runs into it, empties bars out of his bag into a dumpster. Turns, looks around.

NATHANIEL

WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO?!

People on the street ignore him.

A homeless man sleeping in the alley, is startled awake. Stares at Nathaniel. Nathaniel runs up to him, grabs him by the collar.

NATHANIEL

WHAT, THE FUCK, AM I SUPPOSED TO DO?!

Homeless man holds out an half eaten E-Bar. Nathaniel tosses him to the ground.

NATHANIEL

FUCK! You too?!

Frantically, Nathaniel grabs a garbage can, and runs with it out into the street. He spreads garbage all over the road.

Tears down street signs, signs on the wall.

Breaks windows.

Removes spray paint from his bag, writes: “Have a FUCKING E-Bar! They make you FEEL great!” all over the buildings.

Nobody notices him.

EXT. DOWNTOWN – NIGHT

Dark. Empty. Nathaniel sits in an alleyway, covered in spray paint and garbage, clutches his knees to his chest. Rocks back and forth.

NATHANIEL

(mutters under his breath)

Oh God… no… what do I do… what do I do…

He stops rocking.

NATHANIEL

Jess…

Buries head in arms, starts crying.

EXT. DOWNTOWN – MORNING

Nathaniel, dirty, tear stained, sleeps on a pile of garbage in the alley. The light wakes him up. He sits up slowly.

Nathaniel looks around, rises, gathers his bag, and walks towards exit of the alley.

Nathaniel looks carefully out into the street, which has a few people shuffling down it. He walks out into the sidewalk, they do not see him.

Many places have sign advertising the E-Bar. The street is covered in garbage, the remnants from the day before.

Store fronts are damaged, doors left open.

Nathaniel reaches an outdoor supply store, and enters. He grabs a tent, large bag, sleeping bag, and other useful items off the shelves, and walks out the front door without paying.

Nathaniel enters a food store, and fills his bag with food.

EXT. WOODS – DAY

Birds and other animals make noises, it’s not nearly as still and quiet as the city. Nathaniel sets up a tent.

EXT. SHACK IN WOODS – DAY (MONTHS LATER)

A small, shoddily built shack stands among tall trees. Green light filters down from the tree tops.

A fire pit about 10 feet away from the shack is smoldering from the night before.

Animal skins hang from branches around the shack.

A human sized wooden carving sits near the fire.

Nathaniel, dirty, wearing tattered clothing, beard, exits shack.

NATHANIEL

Morning Jess. Sleep well?

FADE OUT

THE END

100 Things That Make Me Happy

I gotta jump on the bandwagon too!

1. Cake
2. Peanut Butter Cups
3. Sleeping in, but not TOO late
4. Bike rides at 5 in the morning, when there is no wind, and it’s just starting to snow
5. Horses
6. Successfully finishing a project
7. NYC
8. Falling asleep while watching The X-Files/Star Trek/Firefly with someone else
9. Cuddling
10. Shaving my head
11. Being outside at night
12. Live music
13. Painting
14. Staying up all night, or avoiding homework, while editing video
15. Editing video…
16. Filming
17. Random encounters with people who are really cool
18. Getting a B- on a Japanese test without studying
19. Realizing that I can understand what the fuck my teacher saying when she talks entirely in Japanese
20. Getting a weekend off from work
21. Hanging out with my roommates
22. Being able to list things that make me happy
23. Being able to list things about him that make me happy…
24. FUNNY PANTS!
25. Having excess of ideas for art/projects
26. Dying my hair funny colors
27. Paychecks
28. When the power goes out
29. Friday afternoons when I don’t have to do anything
30. Sunday evenings, cause I get to stay up later than the rest of the weekend
31. Trips
32. Eating real food
33. Realizing I have enough money to eat a real meal
34. Having a portfolio that I am proud of
35. When I don’t make an ass of myself when talking on the phone
36. Random complements
37. Surprises
38. Notes (writing and receiving)
39. Art
40. Presents when there is no occasion
41. Presents that weren’t bought, but were made or found
42. Those awesome religious candles at the Deals Only
43. Taking only classes that I enjoy
44. Being challenged
45. My long-john shirts right after they have been washed, and they’re all tight
46. Clothing covered in paint
47. Getting myself covered in paint or charcoal
48. Puppies
49. Rubbing my face in or on soft things, i.e. cats, horse’s noses, beards
50. My hair, when it’s all crazy and I can’t do anything with it
51. Dyed hair
52. Feeling pretty, or sexy, or graceful
53. Having an excuse to dress up
54. Dressing up without an excuse
55. Boots
56. Painting my nails black
57. Realizing I am in better shape than I used to be
58. Lists
59. Burning things
60. Snuggling into a warm bed after a long day
61. Waking up, and going somewhere
62. Seeing a friend on a chat program, but not having any need to talk to them
63. Film Festivals
64. Being surrounded by people, but not really being a part of them
65. That wintery, Christmasy time
66. Autumn, before it’s gotten too cold, but after it’s started to get chilly
67. The first day of the year that I can comfortably wear a tanktop, skirt and Birkenstocks
68. Snow
69. Knowing that I can buy things without overdrawing my account
70. Camping
71. Dancing, and not feeling awkward about it
72. Snowboarding
73. Standing out from the majority of people
74. Finding people that I do fit in with
75. Getting completely absorbed in a book
76. Liting my Kanji
77. Alphabets
78. Hearing strange languages
79. Understanding bits of Japanese conversations
80. Random beautiful people, and I don’t mean just physically. Some people have a certain aura about them, they just exude beauty. It’s even better when they are really old.
81. Really inventive music videos
82. Having people to seriously talk about film production with ^_^
83. Octopi
84. Going barefoot
85. Being naked
86. Feeling that I am following my dreams
87. Living in the moment (however hard that may be for me)
88. Chops, although sideburns are pretty cool too
89. Guys with long hair, and I mean REALLY long
90. Street musicians
91. Being able to type in both qwerty and Dvorak
92. Solving difficult math problems
93. Not having anything urgent to do
94. Good movies
95. Reading diary entries from more than a year ago
96. Being told secrets
97. Being aware that I don’t have any secrets, among some people
98. REALLY windy nights, when I am all warm and cozy inside
99. Thunder and lightening storms
100. Star gazing with a friend

I could probably come up with a couple more, since I started to get into a roll at the end. But I will cut myself off there, cause I said 100.

Writer’s Block on YouTube

Woo! It’s finished, and I am really proud of it. You all should watch it. And favorite it. And tell all your friends. =D

The City at Night

I love walking, or biking, or driving, through a city at night. It doesn’t even have to be a big city, Bellingham works well enough. Tonight I was walking back home from school, and I realized how much I really enjoy it. I was thinking about it, and while I enjoy walks in general at night, through the city is fantastic. Walks through the woods or neighborhoods are also cool, but they just don’t do the same thing for me.

I love how everything dark, but lit up with street lights. The mood is entirely different, during the day everyone is running errands, or working. In the night, people are just kind of hanging out, or asleep. Now that I think about it, I really like all of the different times of night, too. But, for different reasons.

In the late evening, say, 7-10, the streets are still busy, but everyone is in a good mood. The bums are all out doin’ their thing, shops are closing, bars are full of amusing drunk people, and the teenagers are running around trying to find trouble. Now, I don’t really partake in any of those things, most of the time, but I enjoy passing through it, seeing it.

Then, once everyone finally leaves, it’s even better. There is no one around, so you don’t feel self conscious. You can wander around where you please, and don’t have to feel silly turning around and walking back along a block, or singing to yourself. It’s also quiet (at least in Olympia, and Bellingham), so you can hear yourself think, or you can have conversations without distraction, or you can find a spot to stop and sit, without getting harassed.

Now, that’s not the case in NYC. There is no time of the night that is silent, or empty. There are usually people everywhere, but there’s something nice about that too. But that’s for another time… I haven’t really spoken about why I love NY to many people, maybe I will share with you at some point.

A quiet city at night also brings back some strong memories and feelings, which I seem to be having a lot of lately, but they are all pretty good. The most exciting, terrifying, and surreal time I have ever experienced was at 2 in the morning, in the summer, in Olympia, during the Lunar Eclipse, after I had just come back from New York. I will never forget that night, and I think that dark, quiet, empty cities will always remind me of it.

“Writer’s Block”

*This is not an official announcement, because I am not sure that I’ll be able to get in, but there is probably about a 90% chance.*

I am going to have my short video, “Writer’s Block,” shown in the Projections Film Festival. It will be shown, along with many others, at 9pm on Thursday the 7th, and then again on Sunday the 10th, at the Pickford Cinema. Once I know for sure that I am in, I will let you all know.

They have a website, too, if you wanna check it out for yourself. NW Projections Film Festival.

Also, here are some other videos, because I like sharing cool things. This one has some really good animation, the ultimate break, and this one is really sad and really pretty, “Come Wander With Me.”

Maia out.

Some Nonsense on Drawing

I really intended this blog to be more interesting, and for me to update more often, but then came school. I think everyone knows how that goes. Well, everyone in school. I have been completely swamped by tests, projects for class, projects for myself, work, emotions, and the seasonal illness. I have been doing some interesting stuff, but I can’t ever seem to find time to write about it. So, just as a warning, I am kind of forcing myself to write right now.

I have a drawing that I am supposed to make for my Contemporary Studio Drawing class, and I am utterly lost. This class is all about conceptualization, and experimentation. Both of which I am completely confused of, and vaguely scared by, in nearly any form. I don’t really know how to experiment. I guess I am afraid of failure, so it prevents me from trying anything. If there is a set way of doing things, a specific way something is supposed to look, or a formula of some sort, I am set. I can do it to the best of my abilities, and am frequently happy with the results. But, if I am told to “just do it,” I totally freak out and don’t know how to start. So, at the moment I am kind of stressed. I don’t know how I am supposed to do it… That’s the point, I know, but that doesn’t help me any. In all honesty, though, since this is so difficult for me, this class is the perfect one for me right now. I think it will help me a lot in the future.

Because of this class, I have been a little more able to just kind of make stuff. As in, scribbling on pages, and then cutting them up and gluing them to others. And that’s really what my teacher is trying to get us to do, I guess. Get us to be comfortable with totally ripping apart an old piece and making a new one. I am really trying to get more comfortable with it, and I think I have started to. I am going to spend this weekend getting a helluva lot more comfortable with it, since this project is due on Monday. =P

So yeah, there were my ramblings about my art class. Hope they were remotely entertaining to read. Sorry if they weren’t.